SJS News

By The Revd. Dr. D. Stuart Dunnan
Saint James Chapel

As you all know, I am very fond of my big little dog Charlie, and we have spent a great deal of time together over these past 15 years.  During this time, he has taught me and is still learning himself some very important “rules for life,” which I will now share with you.

The first rule of life which Charlie has taught me and teaches me every day is to “be friendly and say hello.”  And this is a very important rule because one of the casualties of our modern “handheld” and “vidiot” age is our increasing lack of basic manners and our withdrawal from even casual interaction with others, who deserve our polite attention.  

Simply put, it is rude to pass someone, especially someone who shares or is visiting our community, without saying hello and greeting them.  It is also rude to make it somebody else’s job to start the conversation.  Charlie never does this!  He always says an enthusiastic hello with confidence and cheerfulness with a big smile and a vigorous wag of his tale, which draws the immediate response “what a cute dog!” which he then uses to his advantage.  Clearly, we all need to learn from him and to always say a cheerful and friendly hello ourselves.

Charlie’s second rule is “every walk is an adventure.”  He is always thrilled to take a walk. Even now in his old age, he bounds out the door ready to see and smell new and fun things, to do “his business” in nature, to meet new people, and to check everything out.  

For us also, every day is an adventure, which is why we should sing the hymn in chapel every morning to appreciate what God has given us, to engage and wake up!  Each practice, game, and performance is its own adventure, even every class, quiz, paper, and test.  If we are going to succeed and improve during the day and over the course of the week, then we need to stay positive and embrace all our challenges, opportunities, and even our duties and tasks with enthusiasm, because we fail to live fully and diminish the experience of others when we don’t.  We limit the promise of our talents severely when we live passively with a negative, lazy, and self-centered approach to life, and we fail to find and to create all the joy which always awaits us.

Charlie’s third rule is “don’t make mistakes in the house.”  Impressively, Charlie figured out very early in his life when he was just a little puppy that he did not get to make up the rules for himself.  Specifically, and most importantly for me, he could not do his business when he wanted to on the floor in our house.  This was not always easy for him or convenient, but he paid attention to my consistent bribes and punishments and learned only to do his business outside.  This was not his rule; this was my rule; but he follows it because he knows that it matters to me – very much.  

In the same way, we need to follow “the rules” too even though we may not always agree with them or like them in every situation or moment.  Some rules come from the societies in which we work and live; some rules come from the government; some rules come from God; and we do not have the “right” or the authority to choose which ones we are willing to follow.  And these rules are not onerous or unreasonable.  Indeed, all our rules here at Saint James can be condensed into four very reasonable expectations:  be polite; be kind; be honest; and do no harm.  

Charlie’s fourth rule is “not everything that you want to play with is good for you.”  When we are out on an adventure especially after a rain in the evening, the toads come out, and he wants to grab them because they are bite sized, bounce around, and squishy like his squeaky toys, but he learned early that they protect themselves with a chemical that causes him to gag.  He still wants to grab them, but he now understands when I pull him back.  

As you are constantly reminded, teenagers can be particularly tempted to make the same mistake, and the list is the obvious one:  drugs, alcohol, fast cars, the wrong activity online or on campus, and sex without relationship, for the wrong reason, or before the right time.  Simply put, other people are not “things” to be played with, and some of the “things” we are tempted to play with, and indeed others play with, are truly dangerous and potentially harmful to us and to anyone else we encourage to assume this risk with us.

Charlie’s fifth rule is “bark when you are lost.”  When Charlie jumped into the upper pond beside our house, he stood shivering in the cold water because he could not get out.  He also stayed silent and waited for me to find and rescue him.  This is typical of what he does when he gets lost or trapped, and I used to think that he did this because he was embarrassed, but now I think that he does this because he does not feel safe and feels the need to hide.  Happily, with a campus full of students and colleagues, I have always found him in time.  

We do the same thing and for the same reasons:  we stay silent and do not ask for help when we need it, because we are too embarrassed or too afraid.  So, like Charlie, we need to call out so that we can get the help that we need when we need it from those who can help us. And sometimes in your case, this would be the right adult – someone with the experience and the authority to help you,  which is why I always ask you who are the adults that you trust, because I need to know that you have someone, and hopefully more than one, whom you can confide in and reach out to when you need attention, assistance, and advice.

Charlie’s sixth rule is “don’t bark at cars.”  Charlie hates cars, although he loves to ride in them.  I think that he is drawn to the moving tires and the sound of the engine, but he also does not like it when I am speaking to the driver through an open window and the car is stopped, because it looks too dangerous to him, like I am talking to “the monster.”  So, he goes into “attack mode” and lunges at the car with the apparent expectation that he can grab the tire and wrestle it to the ground.  
This is of course ridiculous, but don’t we do this too?  Don’t we also go after things that really aren’t such a big deal and make a big fuss about something which we cannot control and is no real threat to us?  Don’t we also get upset when we really have no reason to be upset and create a lot of drama that might make us feel powerful and important in the moment, but does no actual good for ourselves or for anyone else?  And what happens if I let go of his leash?  He could be hit by the car.  What happens to us when we fail to leash ourselves and what happens to the others we involve?  The false dramas that we create can do real harm.

Charlie’s seventh rule is “the best toys are free.”  Two of Charlie’s favorite toys are completely free:  empty milk jugs which he loves to chase, crush, and destroy in the kitchen, and “lost” tennis and lacrosse balls which he “finds” in the grass during our walks on campus.  He loves to chase and chew them and roll on top of them to get a free massage.  

Many teenagers feel the need to spend their parents’ money to buy expensive “toys” that they do not need, and they love to “order out” to get the meal they want instead of the meal which someone has already prepared for them and is available for free – just to get exactly what they want when they want it.  Obviously, this behavior, even if your parents can afford it, is entitled and spoilt.  It can also be self-isolating and hurtful to those who do not have all the advantages that you do.  It is particularly sad when people who claim they have no money to give to others spend a great deal of money unnecessarily on themselves.  Jesus has a great deal to say about this, which too many Christians ignore or forget.

Charlie’s eighth rule is “don’t chase deer into the woods.”  Charlie loves to chase deer, which again is ridiculous, as they are way too fast and too big for him, but he will follow them recklessly into the fields and into the woods, where he invariably gets lost. 

We can chase “deer” too.  We can follow the wrong goals and seek the wrong prizes and get really lost when we do.  Like Charlie, we often lack self-awareness, and we are not always willing to follow the right advice.  We can take on more than we can handle and repeat this same pattern over and over again.  And when we chase those deer and get lost in those woods, we can only hope that others will come and help us, which can be dangerous for them as well.  Think of all those people who refuse to leave their homes before a hurricane, expecting emergency responders to risk their lives during and after the storm to save them – really from themselves.

Charlie’s ninth rule is “don’t pick fights with big dogs.”  When he was a puppy, Charlie’s best friend was Lizzie, Mr. Camp’s Golden Retriever puppy, and they loved to wrestle and play together.  Unfortunately, Lizzie was very nice and always let him win, so Charlie thinks that he can beat up big dogs, which of course he can’t.  Consequently, I need to be careful that he behaves appropriately when he meets a big dog, so that he does not get himself killed.  

We can pick fights with “big dogs” too, with people in authority over us or just more powerful than we are.  So, like Charlie, we need to be careful that we don’t start fights that we cannot win, especially when the fight is avoidable.  When it isn’t, so be it, but usually it is, and it never pays to be overly self-confident or unnecessarily aggressive.

Charlie’s tenth rule is “love the one who feeds you.”  Charlie loves me the best, which is grateful and smart on his part, but he loves my secretary Mrs. Davis more than me at lunchtime because she feeds him fresh chicken by hand from her desk.  He knows who counts, and we should too.  

Teenagers especially can forget the sacrifices that their parents make for them and take their love and care for them for granted, treating them as their servants and acting like demanding brats.  It is never a good look, and it isn’t a good strategy either.  The best strategy is to live a grateful life and to recognize all the good that others do for us, in your case, not just your parents, but your coaches and teachers as well.  We also do well when we remember that “all good gifts come from above,” so live our lives gratefully to God, fully aware that everything we “achieve” comes from the advantages, talents, and blessings that he has given us.

Charlie’s eleventh rule is “my leash works both ways.”  When he was younger, Charlie used to pull on his leash and resent the ways that I was directing him and holding him back.  Now that he is older, he does not want to go on a walk without his leash to make sure that I am walking with him.  The leash attaches me to him and not just him to me.

This speaks to our own human relationships with those we love and who love us.  Again, when we are younger, we sometimes resent the “leash” that connects us to our parents, but as we grow older, we discover that they are connected to us as well and need our help and support as we once needed theirs.  This is true in our relationships with our teachers and friends as well.  Love works both ways, not just one, and we walk in this life together only for the time that God has given us, so we should make the most of it.

Charlie’s twelfth rule is “if you have nothing to do, you can always take a nap.”  Charlie has always loved his naps, and now that he is older, he naps most of the time.  One of our regular rituals on a Sunday afternoon is to nap together on my bed.  
When I first arrived at Saint James, misbehaving students would often offer “I was bored” as an excuse for getting into trouble, but I am pleased that no one ever attempts to offer that reason now.  My answer of course was and would be a simple one: “It is nobody’s job to entertain you.  It is your job to entertain yourself.  And if you can’t think of anything good to do, you can always take a nap.”  Churchill took a daily nap.  Jesus napped.  We all need to nap, especially when we are tired, as rest is healing for our bodies, minds, and souls.  As Charlie teaches us, we should nap more often, and this will help to keep us out of trouble.

I hope that these “rules for life’ make sense to you and that you will adopt them as your own, as I have. Some are easier to follow than others, but they are all of them very helpful, centering, protecting, and worthwhile, and I personally am very grateful to Charlie for teaching them to me and for setting such a wonderful example of joy in life, gratitude, courage, forgiveness, resilience, loyalty, and affection for all of us to follow.

Amen.